Ulpan? Oy Vey! Luckily, I grew up in a family that forced me at a young age to learn how to laugh at myself!
I’ve endured years of what my mom calls ‘good-natured teasing’ and what my dad more succinctly calls ‘character building’. What does this really mean? It means that my parents have long seized upon my many misadventures and mishaps for comedic enjoyment by REPEATEDLY recounting the tales to each other, their friends, extended family…co-workers…neighbors…even their meat purveyor at the Farmer’s Market.
Happily, as a result of this I have developed a very high tolerance for shame. And it has paid off! Without this high shame tolerance, my experience with Ulan would have undoubtedly left me rocking in a corner somewhere muttering to myself. Ulpan is an intensive Hebrew language school, and it’s the real deal. It’s actually used by the Israeli government to help new immigrants to the country learn the language and adapt to the culture. On the Career Israel program I’m participating in, we had Ulpan Sunday through Thursday, 9:30 a.m. until 2:30 p.m. for a solid month before we began our internships.
In the first week, we took a placement exam that would determine which of seven levels of Hebrew class we would be placed in. How can I paint this pretty picture… Imagine being handed a test with two pages of squiggles with question marks and fill-in-the-blanks ( which you assume should be filled in with the appropriate squiggles) and then one page on which to write an essay (in the mysterious squiggle language) based on a topic paragraph written in the same indecipherable squiggles.
Needless to say, I handed this exam in completely blank. And ok, fine! I even had to guess which squiggle to write my name by!
But this is no surprise. I come from a secular family. I went to public school, not a Hebrew day school. When all the other kids in my program were learning their Alef-Bet (ABC’S), my dad was teaching me to curse in Yiddish and leading discussions on the finer points of what constitutes the perfect bagel.
I was placed in the lowest level, Alef One. At the start of Ulpan, I was very optimistic and excited about learning Hebrew. However, I quickly discovered on our first day of class that even the lowest level class was miles… no leagues, above my head.
This class was designed for those who gently dozed their way though Hebrew in Sunday school growing up, not for people like me who on Sundays slept late, ate bagels and lox and then cheered for the Green Bay Packers! Everyone except one kid in my class already knew Hebrew letters in both script and print form (That’s right other bad Jews and my Goyem, there are TWO completely different ways to write each letter in Hebrew!). So the teacher spent only one day going over the letters before expecting us to be able to read and comprehend her lesson notes on the board (in Hebrew) and our lesson book (in Hebrew).
Usually words and letters are my friend. As my friends know, I love to write and read, so the struggle with literacy in Hebrew was particularly frustrating and my self-esteem took a bit of a beating. The teacher began to skip over me when we went over the answers to the squiggles in our lesson book. I stared uncomprehendingly at the squiggles on the board and attempted to copy down the lessons phonetically.
Thank goodness for that shame tolerance, because seriously, I really made a fool of myself in that class! Five hours a day of being the clearly identifiable dumbest person in the room. So long cockiness or any lingering self-delusions of grandeur that I may have! It was like David Sedaris in his book ‘Me Talk Pretty One Day’. Except suddenly I was the one living in a foreign land, able to clutch all of my vocabulary (written on flashcards) in one hand and absurdly over my head in a foreign language class.
The good news is that I am done with my daily dose of public shame and began my internship this week. The even better news is that I’m not giving up on learning to read and write Hebrew…just the public humiliation! I will be doing private tutoring with myUlpan teacher at a pace and level much more suited to me. This time we can begin with the Alef Bet, and hopefully in a while I’ll be able to drop you lovely readers of mine a line in Hebrew!
I’ve endured years of what my mom calls ‘good-natured teasing’ and what my dad more succinctly calls ‘character building’. What does this really mean? It means that my parents have long seized upon my many misadventures and mishaps for comedic enjoyment by REPEATEDLY recounting the tales to each other, their friends, extended family…co-workers…neighbors…even their meat purveyor at the Farmer’s Market.
Happily, as a result of this I have developed a very high tolerance for shame. And it has paid off! Without this high shame tolerance, my experience with Ulan would have undoubtedly left me rocking in a corner somewhere muttering to myself. Ulpan is an intensive Hebrew language school, and it’s the real deal. It’s actually used by the Israeli government to help new immigrants to the country learn the language and adapt to the culture. On the Career Israel program I’m participating in, we had Ulpan Sunday through Thursday, 9:30 a.m. until 2:30 p.m. for a solid month before we began our internships.
In the first week, we took a placement exam that would determine which of seven levels of Hebrew class we would be placed in. How can I paint this pretty picture… Imagine being handed a test with two pages of squiggles with question marks and fill-in-the-blanks ( which you assume should be filled in with the appropriate squiggles) and then one page on which to write an essay (in the mysterious squiggle language) based on a topic paragraph written in the same indecipherable squiggles.
Needless to say, I handed this exam in completely blank. And ok, fine! I even had to guess which squiggle to write my name by!
But this is no surprise. I come from a secular family. I went to public school, not a Hebrew day school. When all the other kids in my program were learning their Alef-Bet (ABC’S), my dad was teaching me to curse in Yiddish and leading discussions on the finer points of what constitutes the perfect bagel.
I was placed in the lowest level, Alef One. At the start of Ulpan, I was very optimistic and excited about learning Hebrew. However, I quickly discovered on our first day of class that even the lowest level class was miles… no leagues, above my head.
This class was designed for those who gently dozed their way though Hebrew in Sunday school growing up, not for people like me who on Sundays slept late, ate bagels and lox and then cheered for the Green Bay Packers! Everyone except one kid in my class already knew Hebrew letters in both script and print form (That’s right other bad Jews and my Goyem, there are TWO completely different ways to write each letter in Hebrew!). So the teacher spent only one day going over the letters before expecting us to be able to read and comprehend her lesson notes on the board (in Hebrew) and our lesson book (in Hebrew).
Usually words and letters are my friend. As my friends know, I love to write and read, so the struggle with literacy in Hebrew was particularly frustrating and my self-esteem took a bit of a beating. The teacher began to skip over me when we went over the answers to the squiggles in our lesson book. I stared uncomprehendingly at the squiggles on the board and attempted to copy down the lessons phonetically.
Thank goodness for that shame tolerance, because seriously, I really made a fool of myself in that class! Five hours a day of being the clearly identifiable dumbest person in the room. So long cockiness or any lingering self-delusions of grandeur that I may have! It was like David Sedaris in his book ‘Me Talk Pretty One Day’. Except suddenly I was the one living in a foreign land, able to clutch all of my vocabulary (written on flashcards) in one hand and absurdly over my head in a foreign language class.
The good news is that I am done with my daily dose of public shame and began my internship this week. The even better news is that I’m not giving up on learning to read and write Hebrew…just the public humiliation! I will be doing private tutoring with myUlpan teacher at a pace and level much more suited to me. This time we can begin with the Alef Bet, and hopefully in a while I’ll be able to drop you lovely readers of mine a line in Hebrew!
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